I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
