my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
