The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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