I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
