if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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