Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
