Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
