i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
