Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
