She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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