why didn't you poke me back
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
