Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
