I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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