It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
