Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
