Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How does it feel to date your dad?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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