I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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