I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
