Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
