god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
