u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
