Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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