I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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