i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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