If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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