Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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