I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
