Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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