I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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