Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize