Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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