So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
