I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
