You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
