I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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