So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
