Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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