so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize