she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
