i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
