i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
