Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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