i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
