Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
a search helicopter?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
