my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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