No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
