don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
