how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
