She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize