Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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