So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
