she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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