Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
