Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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