We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
