I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
nutella sex= disaster
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
