I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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