Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
