another moral hangover. fuck.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
