dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
