had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Randomize
