i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
