that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
