shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
